Eclipses and Missionary Homecomings

Greeley, Colorado

Given our mobile lifestyle, one would think that we were in a perfect position to have scheduled a trip to the zone of totality last week and witnessed the eclipse in all its glory, but instead we were back in Colorado Springs watching a not quite total eclipse with friends in their front yard from behind eclipse glasses hastily and gratefully purchased in a shopping center parking lot just days before the event and through cereal box viewers taped together the night before and on the shadows formed between our interlaced fingers.

We missed totality because the day following the eclipse we welcomed home missionary number four. And when I say 'home' I mean that he flew into the same airport that he flew out of two years ago. But, while we drove by the house he spent 8 years of his life in, he saw its glorious blue color for the first and possibly last time ever that day and then spent his first night home sleeping on a spare bed in the basement of our dear friends' house. I am so thankful to have good friends who took us in, helped us celebrate our missionary homecoming and especially let us eat their food and sleep in their beds (and on their floors and couches).

Having my children serve missions has really been a great experience for our family. We miss them terribly of course while they are gone, but we also love to get our weekly emails, love our Skype calls on Christmas and Mother's Day and love to learn about the places and the people where they each have served. Most of all, missionaries are just dear to my heart because I know that my life as I know it is because of other missionaries. My parents were taught and baptized by missionaries when I was an infant. I will never know who those missionaries were, and my understanding is that my parents went through many of them before committing to baptism, but I am so grateful to and for those missionaries and their families. Kris was taught and baptized by missionaries only a couple years before we were married, in this case I do know one of 'his' missionaries, thanks to a ward member who went out of his way to help us reconnect about twenty-five years later. And I am also eternally grateful to and for Elder White for serving a mission. Having my children out there serving and impacting lives the way I believe mine to have been is really a precious thing.

So missionary number four has returned, numbers five and six are still serving, and number seven is finishing mission papers and expecting to go early next year. I love the tradition of missionary service that my children have begun, and I hope that the rest of them continue to follow the tradition of their older siblings and choose to serve missions also.

"Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo" (October 2014)

 Ahhhh... the wisdom of an animated fish with short term memory loss.  

I have been accused of being an over protective parent.   When I discovered that my 2 year olds were sad in church nursery, I took them out.  When my 3 year old didn't want to go to his primary (sunday school) class alone, Kris or I went with him.  For months.  "You really need to cut the apron strings." A well meaning (I guess), but seriously misguided (in my humble opinion) primary leader told me.  We don't let our kids ride bikes until they are 8.  They very seldom were ever babysat. They almost never are allowed to spend a night at someone else's house. I am seriously nervous when any of them climb trees.  I don't like them to go anywhere alone.  Ever. I regularly spy on my teenagers' Facebook activity... as in I actually have their passwords and can get in as them and see everything they see.  And they can't even be on Facebook before they turn sixteen.   When they attend youth activities we drive the leaders crazy asking for details. Heck, we don't even send them to school before they are about 16.  When they are away from home, we text constantly, typically several times a day. Even those that live in a different state.

Now I have 3 children who have been away on missions for over a year now.  This represents a new parenting milestone for us.  We have done college before, but these are our first missionaries.  Daily texts and phonecalls do not happen with missionaries. A once a week email that is frequently shorter than we would like and twice a year skypes or phonecalls, that are always much, much too short are all we have, but oh how we value those emails and those calls! Last week, I received an email from the Texas Houston East mission home asking for a few specifics so that they could arrange a flight home for Bayley on January 7th.  I definitely DID NOT burst into tears attempting to read the email outloud to Fionnula.  Because that would be silly. And Fionnula had no cause to say something like "I know you are happy... but you sort of seem sad..."  Because, well, there were no tears of course!

I am frequently asked by others as they get ready to send off their own missionaries, or even by those who are just curious "Is it awful when they leave?"  Once someone even said that she "could not believe I would allow them to go," yeah, that really happened.  So, setting aside the obvious facts that my children were 18 and 20 and largely financing their own missions (sort of... but we aren't talking here about how our family mission fund works... it's clever though, and totally not of my design), and so really they were quite capable of going whether or not I or Kris 'allowed,' it... and yet, I guess we did allow them to go, we even encouraged them to go, we are proud of their decisions to go.  But, yes, it was terrible when they left.  We cried, they cried, their siblings cried...at the airport, on the way home from the airport, for days and weeks after at unexpected moments.  A few days after they were all gone, I found a pair of running socks Rhys had left behind. It grieved me to no end that he forgot those silly, very replaceable, socks!  A year out, we discovered a lifeguard whistle under the seat of my car, could have belonged to any of them, and yes it made me wistful and nostalgic and, at that moment, it hurt I missed them so bad!  Some mornings Fionn wakes up crying because she dreamt they were home and woke to find them not. So yes, letting them go is hard.

You know what else is hard?  When we receive emails from them that they are sick, that they are discouraged, that they have a difficult companion, that they aren't eating, their feet hurt, people are mean, dogs are biting, bees are stinging, boys are throwing rotting fruit at them.  In the year (and a bit more) since the missions began, there have been fires and earthquakes in Kegan's mission, Rhys was seriously ill for months, was nearly mugged once, and lost his credit card and camera and Bayley broke her wrist and had to have surgery in the mission without us there.  It is always hard to be a parent that cannot step in and fix things for your kids.

But what sort of mother would I be if I had told them that I couldn't bear to have them leave me, that they needed to stay here... for me?  Because I would feel more comfortable with them safely tucked away in my basement or because I couldn't stand the loneliness.  Would I sacrifice what they wanted and needed for me?  Of course not. Would I rather Rhys be safe in my basement and far from the stray dogs of Argentina who chase him and bite his ankles but missing out on the adventures of living in Argentina for two years?  Would I prefer that Bayley had been sent home for that surgery, so that I could be the one who sat by her side? Would I have her sacrifice the rest of her mission because I was too selfish to share her with the wonderful people of Texas who have taken such good care of her?  Would I deny Kegan the chance to serve the people of Chile and help them re build their city after that devastating fire? Most of all, would I deny my children the amazing learning experience and the chance for exponential spirtitual growth that their missions have been and would I deny the people of Chile or Argentina or Texas the service and love of my children? No, I wouldn't.  

I love my kids.  I miss them terribly. I miss them like a piece of me is gone. But being a parent means sacrificing what would be most comfortable to me for what will be best for them.  

New Family Traditions

At our house, all previous family  traditions regarding Mother's Day and Christmas have been trumped by our newest way to celebrate those two holidays....the missionary calls of course!  Everything falls behind in importance to that one event of the day.  In order to make yesterday's call work, we even skipped the last 2 hours of church.  Is that even allowed do you think? Well, we did it, we can repent later. But I spent last Monday trying to arrange, via p-day emails, one time when all 3 missionaries each operating in different time zones from one another and from us, could all call at once, so we at home could talk to them of course, but so they could also talk to one another.  And that time ended up being in the middle of the church block for us.

The call yesterday was a little like this: we had Erin on Skype in Idaho already anticipating the calls.  When the little Skype notification popped up that Kegan was now online there were cheers both here and in Idaho, Bayley (whose mission does Skype at Christmas with phone calls only for Mother's Day) called in shortly thereafter and we put the phone on speaker close to the computer so she could hear and be heard, Rhys was the last to check in after some desperate Facebook messaging between me and the brother in Argentina whose home Rhys was Skyping from.  The process of instant messaging when it involves the extra step of translation via the not very dependable, but better than nothing,  Google Translate, becomes not so 'instant' as I really needed it to be in this situation.  But, it worked out and we soon had Erin, Kegan and Rhys's faces on our tv screen and Bayley's voice over the house phone.  It was chaos. And it was wonderful.

Fionn wanted everyone to see her new necklace and kept dangling it in front of the computer, Rhys wanted a picture with his TMNT cup and his family, Bayley just desperately wanted to be part of the Skype call but had to make do with whatever commentary I could provide of the onscreen action and just hearing and being heard.  That onscreen action included the flag of Chile being prominently displayed behind Kegan at one point, which was followed up by an Argentinian flag appearing behind Rhys and then suddenly Kegan was being outfitted with a soccer jersey.  Food kept appearing in front of Rhys as the family whose home he was at kept serving him and food was being prepared behind Kegan, occasionally loudly. And both were conversing in Spanish with one another and the families on their ends.  If Kegan or Rhys felt they couldn't be heard, they would type, usually very loudly.  Erin and Kegan's video kept freezing up, Kegan's was actually completely blank much of the time, but we could still hear him....or at least hear his typing.  There were at least 3 conversations going on at once at any given time and most people were involved in at least two of them.  So, it was pretty much like things always were when they were all at home.  Crazy, loud and a little confusing but also so much fun.

And then one by one they each had to go....first Bayley, then Kegan, then Rhys and we won't get to talk like this again until Christmas. And the thing with those calls is that when they end... it is a lot like putting them each on their planes all over again. And you miss them so bad when that call goes silent and their voices and faces are missing from your home again. Someone has said to me in the past that they cannot understand how Mormon parents can send their children off on missions for the church and "without a thought" commit to an 18 month to 2 year separation during which we communicate almost exclusively by weekly emails or letters, with phone calls only on Christmas and Mother's Day. Well I can assure you, it is not done "without a thought," but is indeed a great, consciously made, sacrifice on the parts of the missionaries themselves, their parents and their siblings.  We all miss them every single minute of every day.  But we also know that they are engaged in a very worthwhile work, in fact that there is none greater, and that our sacrifice is a great blessing to so many in Texas and Louisiana and Argentina and Chile.

Our Mother's Day call...Bayley is the phone, Erin is pretty washed out, but that is she, Kegan is sporting a soccer jersey over his shirt and tie, Rhys has an Argentinian flag draped over his shoulder

And this was our Christmas call in December, Erin was at home with us for this one, and Bayley was allowed to Skype.

Lost in the Mail

This is a picture that Liam drew for Bayley a couple weeks ago (Liam is in the midst of reading the Harry Potter books again, can you tell?).  Well this drawing has been on a bit of an adventure over the past few weeks.  It, along with a drawing from Fionn and one from Aislin, and a couple letters from Aislin and myself, were all neatly folded and placed together in an envelope bound for Lake Charles, Louisiana.  We actually held it back  couple of days until we had heard about transfers and whether or not Bayley would still be in Lake Charles to receive said envelope.  Well, as it turned out, she was there to receive the envelope, but none of its contents.  In her email last week Bayley told us that the envelope had arrived, but it was empty! None of the letters or drawings intended for our sister were there.  The only communication Bayley received from us was what was written on the OUTside of the envelope.  So, remember, write on the envelopes. Anyway, we replaced the contents as best we could and sent her a new envelope.  Taped shut this time.  I showed great restraint with the tape and only put one very modest piece across the envelope flap, resisting the urge to wrap the whole thing in swaths of the stuff.

Then today we got an envelope in the mail.  Addressed to Rhys Enright and from the Church 's 'Priesthood Department.'  Weird.  Any correspondence to Rhys from the church these days, typically says 'Elder Rhys Enright.'  Also, it typically doesn't come here, seeing as he is actually serving the Church in Las Vegas right now.  So I opened it.  Inside was a single piece of folded paper, with a yellow sticky note attached: "The attached form ended up in our office.  Don't know if you still need it. But thought we would return it to you. Best wishes. Barbara."  

I unfolded the enclosed sheet of paper to find part of an Eagle Scout application that Rhys had turned in over a year ago.  To a local scout office, not anyone at the church.  Even more weird.  Then, as I started to put it down, I caught a glimpse of the back of the paper.

A Hogwarts castle.  Liam had drawn his Hogwarts castle on the back of what was probably one of many drafts of the Eagle application which Rhys had likely thrown in the scratch paper drawer when he was cleaning out his room prior to leaving on his mission.   Still, how did it end up in Salt Lake?  It was originally in an envelope bound for Louisiana.  There is nothing on the application that says Rhys is LDS, unless it was his unit number.  There ARE several mailing addresses on it, including ours (which is how Barbara managed to get it to us), but all are local addresses. Why did the post office find this lost piece of paper and forward it to Salt Lake?  And what did they do with everything else in the envelope?

Moral: draw your pictures on the back of scratch paper that at least loosely identifies you to the post office should they somehow dump everything from the addressed envelope.

Mission Calls

So, last week Kegan and Rhys got their mission calls.  Not quite two weeks since Bayley got hers.  But of course, everyone knows that much already.  Because I have Facebook.  Where I can announce in concise statements the everyday events or even non-events of our lives and allow all my Facebook friends to comment or not, or give me that enviable, thumbs up 'like.'

But the details aren't on Facebook.  things like how Bayley got her papers submitted a week before the boys did but was then worried that her call wouldn't be assigned until their papers were in too, so she wanted a report daily on the status of Kegan's and Rhys's papers.  Something which we had no control over.

Or that her call was not held after all, and she knew it was assigned and was anxiously counting down the hours to the arrival of the Thursday mail when it was supposed to be there....but it wasn't.  And I received a relatively frantic call about 2 in the afternoon that went sort of like this "It didn't come! What am I going to do?  I can't wait another day!"

But about 2 in the afternoon the next day I received another phone call that was something like this "It's here! It's here! It's here!....I want to open it now!"  This was followed by a lot of frantic discussion between Bayley and her friend Diana about what they could and could not tell about said call without actually opening it.   Because of course it had to be opened back at Diana's house, in front of Skype with all the rest of us gathered on this end to witness.  Which, after a lot of texting and some schedule rearranging, it eventually was.  And weirdly, it really was Texas, just like Bayley had flippantly said it was when she was on the phone with me frantically trying to 'sense' what was inside that big white envelope.

Unlike Bayley's call, Kegan's and Rhys's calls did get held up in Salt Lake a week longer than expected.  So while we were originally told to expect them just a week after Bayley's, as their papers had been sent in (and by that I mean 'clicked' in really, since it is all 'sent' to Salt Lake electronically) just a week after hers, we soon learned that it would be one more week, on Wednesday "if all the stars align" but probably on Thursday according to our Stake President.  Thursday it was.

Kegan and Rhys were comparatively way more relaxed than Bayley upon the arrival of their calls....Kegan and Rhys are usually comparatively way more relaxed than Bayley...except when they aren't.  But on this day it may have been more because they were extremely sleep deprived, especially Kegan who had literally stayed up ALL night the night before completing an art project--not necessarily the first time he (or Rhys) has done so.  We had to nearly force them out the door to 'check' the mail after Kris got home from work and maybe, possibly, had a peek inside that mailbox before he came in.

So, they retrieved the mail.  And again there was the frantic texting and calling and gathering of siblings.  Bayley was back at the Briscoes with her laptop and we were back at the kitchen counter with one of ours, except this time the big white envelopes were on this end.  And this time, Bayley's friend Diana wasn't present because she had left the day before for the MTC to begin her mission.

And this time Kegan and Rhys had control over the pace of things.  And they may have been a little dramatic in the reading of the calls.  And Kegan may have been in danger of actually falling asleep in the 'marshmallow chair' before Rhys finally got around to the part that said Argentina.  And then Kris may have actually read over Kegan's shoulder and whispered 'Chile' in my ear before Kegan got around to announcing it himself, since he was actually announcing even the punctuation as he went.

The next day, as Kegan and Rhys perused their lists of what to bring with them, Kegan announced  "I feel like I finally got my Hogwarts letter!"  Except I don't recall Hogwarts reminding their students to bring some serious sunscreen, lipbalm and heat rash ointment or to be sure to get immunized against Typhoid and Yellow Fever.  Yikes.