Big Family Problems

I was at the park last week with my three youngest children.  Frequently I am accompanied places by just these 3 now, as the older kids who are still at home have a lot more going on than these three do and cannot always attend things like park days and mid week movies.   When I was a young mother, people were always telling me that three children was the hardest parenting ever got.  Well, we never really had just three children, as #s 3 and 4 were twins, so I felt like we never experienced the whole three kid thing (unless you count those ten minutes between Kegan and Rhys).  But now we get glimpses of it.   And I know my perspective is all backwards now and also that my three kids are ages 8-13, not infant to 4 or 5, but honestly, three kids is a breeze!  Relaxing at the park, easily keeping track of just three, who, after all, could only possibly take off in a total of three different directions at once, got me reflecting on those years with lots and what that was like:

Successfully getting everyone to the library, with shoes on, relatively clean faces AND all the books that needed to be turned in was exhaustive.  A family vacation was equivalent to a major military operation.

There was never enough hot water.  The only solution was that as soon as the nice man who installed the water heater turned his back, I immediately turned the dial waaay past that 'safe for children' temperature that he responsibly set it at all the way to 'scald the skin off your bones' hot and left it there. We taught the kids to always turn on the cold water first and all was good.

The noise noise noise noise!

The stuff was (still is...their stuff doesn't go away as fast as they do) overwhelming.  People come with things. Even if you are lucky enough to have one or two who are scrupulous purgers but the truth is, most of my children are hoarders in the extreme.  I cleaned one daughter's bedroom once to find a collection of empty tic tac containers.  Tupperware full of rocks and boxes of pine cones are not an uncommon find either.  But even the legitimate stuff-the clothes, the shoes, the socks (oh my word the socks!) is enough to make a sane person completely lose their grip.

And yet....we were always running out of things.  Peanut butter, toothpaste, toilet paper, soap.  My policy became if I was at the store and wondering if we needed it.... we probably did. And I should  get some.  I should get lots.

Your vehicle choices once you get beyond 5 or 6 kids are extremely limited.  I drove this for 7 years:

Before that it was it was 8 years in a 15 passenger van.

And counting children before we left anywhere, was really important, preferably after they were all securely in the car with closed doors so no one could escape. It is amazingly easy to lose track of one in a crowd, plus my brain was always occupied with whether I had brought all the library books or had remembered to pack the swimming towels while still diligently trying to listen and respond intelligently to the 3 different children who were all addressing me with different concerns.  Always count the kids.

Even things that are inexpensive with one or two kids can suddenly represent a huge investment with 6 or 8 or 10.  Five dollars to take one child roller skating seems reasonable.... but ten at $5 each, who wants to do that? Taking our family to see a movie together could be over $100!  A few years ago though, Santa came up with the brilliant plan of giving everybody movie gift cards, so when we go to the movies, their tickets are pre-paid.  Santa is clever that way.

One thing that is definitely in favor of the large family... family memberships (that don't limit the family size, some do).  Many memberships cost barely more, or even no more than it would cost to get in once with everyone, so if we might come back.... we always bought the membership and came back for free next time.

Grocery shopping always required at least one assistant shopper, because someone needed to push the second cart. And I got used to the friendly questions from the cashier about what unusual cooking event might be going on at my house this week that would necessitate the purchase of 10 dozen eggs or 8 gallons of milk or 10 pounds of apples, even while I was looking at it all and just praying that it would actually last at least most of the week.

So, yes, life is simpler, and quieter in many ways right now.  But I miss the chaos of the crowd sometimes... and I still have not quite managed to adjust either my shopping or my cooking to the reduced numbers in the house and some days I don't know what to do when there aren't at least 5 kids needing help with a math problem at once.  And whenever we get in the car...I still count kids...only it goes more like this "five in the car, one at work, one in Chile, one in Argentina, one in Texas, one in Idaho---ten!"