And Then There Were Three

Cedar City, Utah

Last week we left two of our boys at college. One of those two has been living away from home for the past two years, but the other, besides the occasional camping trip,  has been sleeping under the same roof as I for the past 18.75 (or so) years and I feel his absence deeply. I also keep forgetting he isn't with us. When I get up in the morning I am still surprised that he isn't making pancakes and frying bacon in the kitchen. At church I look for him, expecting him to follow Kris and I to Sunday School. On hikes I have to remember he isn't there to happily trail behind the rest of us, keeping his little sister company and willingly listening to her constant chatter. Of course I have known this was coming for awhile, well, since he was born I guess. It is a lousy deal you make as a parent of a newborn, that you will raise this little person into a competent adult who will then leave you. But along the way you get incredibly attached.

Up until the day we actually hugged them both in their apartment and then drove away leaving them waving through the window behind us, I was feeling pretty confident about their ability to survive without us. They cook, they do laundry, at least one of them has better social skills than I do and they have both done college before. But shopping that day with them I totally started second guessing their preparedness. They weren't putting nearly enough vegetables in the cart. They each were carrying their apartment key just stuffed alone in their pocket because neither had a key chain! They had no dentist, no doctor, and no car. Amik doesn't even have a water bottle. Plainly they were not equipped to handle life on their own. What if they didn't get up in time for class? What if they hated their roommates? What if they drove one another crazy? What if they got sick? Still, I sucked it all up and we waved back as we left them there. And they have been just fine of course. They paid their bills, they bought their books, they are attending classes, eating, and Noah has even figured out how to use the 'Walmart bus' to get himself to the store for bread and milk.

Those of us left behind are adjusting too. It always leaves a hole in the family when one moves out and there is a period of reshuffling as everyone left behind figures out their new positions in relation to one another at home as well as how to continue relationships with the one and ones that are further away now. Someone left behind has almost certainly just lost their best buddy. Others have lost the older sibling they have looked to for guidance, for entertainment, for advice, for whatever. They each have a unique relationship with the sibling who left. In this case, Ronan has lost the only sibling who regularly played basketball with him and now he shoots baskets on his own whenever we go to the pool/gym. Fionnula lost the brother who is most willing to just listen to her. Liam lost his ally in the fight to have bacon on at least one pizza in the pizza order. And we are all missing the constant silliness of his ridiculous jokes and pranks, though Liam seems to be taking over somewhat in that regard: he sits behind me in the car and if I put my arm out the window he reaches out his window and grabs my arm from behind. Exactly as Noah always did.